Anger
by annem57
Summary: Post '47 Seconds'. She had never seen Richard Castle so overwhelmingly, unbelievably angry, ever.
1. Chapter 1

**Anger **

**Still not mine. Pity.**

* * *

She had never seen Richard Castle so overwhelmingly, unbelievably angry, ever.

That she was the focus of the brewing thunderstorm of fury was something that she had thought would never happen. After all, she knew how Rick felt about her - he had actually said the words, and showed her every day, in a myriad of ways - so how he was acting was almost incomprehensible to her. She opened her mouth to ask when he held up his hand to silence her.

"Oh, no, you don't get to say anything," came out in a flat, furious stream: icy shards of ire directed at her. "You see, Beckett, 'the school's funniest kid' has had it with the constant putdowns. I've had it with the continuous sarcasm. And I've had it with the lies." he finished, all said with that same cold fury.

Kate Beckett took a step back as the realization hit her - he knew what she'd thrown at the suspect in interrogation yesterday. Her mind raced as she tried to come up with something, with anything to make the situation better.

To take the ice out of his baleful stare, and put the warmth back.

To see the look of love that she had grown accustomed to.

She must have hesitated just a little too long, because he started speaking again. "Here," he said as he removed some files, a burner phone, and a memory key from his bag and dropped them in a pile on her desk. At her stunned look, he went on, not caring who was listening. He knew that Esposito and Ryan were paying close attention to what was happening, and he had seen Gates sidle over to her office door.

Kate finally found her voice. "What are these for, Rick?"

"After Montgomery was killed, I got a call from a friend of his. I cut a deal to keep you safe, and it's worked, so far. Mr Smith," he said with a brief, sardonic chuckle, "uses the phone to keep me updated. The files are copies that he gave me of some of what Roy sent him. And the memory key has a copy of what I've been able to find out by myself." He took a deep breath, and the anger seemed to ebb, just a little, from him. He looked over at Gates and said, "Sir, please don't let Beckett go after these guys on her own. She'll just get herself killed." Gates gave a short nod. Turning to the boys, he asked the same thing of them. Once they acquiesced, he turned back to Kate, stone mask firmly in place.

"I'm done. No more using your life as 'my own personal playground'. Goodbye, detective."

And Rick Castle walked out of the 12th Precinct for what he truly believed was the last time.


	2. Anger Chapter 2: Before

**Anger Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer: Still not mine. Pity.**

**AN: Can I just say, "WOW!" I'm blown away by the support that I've received for this little piece. Thank you for your kind reviews, and I will attempt to answer each one individually, and I appreciate your patience. So, by popular demand, here is the second chapter.**

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**Before.**

If anyone had bothered to look at the stairs of the 12th Precinct, they would have noticed a shattered man trudging down to the footpath. The tears were held back by a superhuman effort, and all Richard Castle wanted to do was to return to the safety of his home. As he turned homeward, his shoulders slumped even further as he recalled the words that broke him.

"I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it."

Rick stopped and put his head in his hands. The words ran around inside his head, echoing through every neuron.

"I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it."

His heart clenched, again, and he continued his walk home. With every footstep, the words reinforced themselves in his brain.

"I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it."

"I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it."

"..every second of it."

By the time he reached home, the numbness was starting to wear off, and being replaced by anger. And it all swirled down into one simple phrase: 'she lied to me'.

Richard Castle was known to be a fun-loving, gentle man, who loved his family deeply, and was generous to a fault. In fact, he was known for a lot of things, one of which was not a bad temper.

'She lied to me.'

What people generally weren't aware of is that Rick did have a temper, but he controlled it very well. After all, he was in the business of writing books, and those books were much easier to sell if the author was pleasant and approachable.

'She lied to me.'

Right now, though, the anger was gathering in much the same way as thunderheads would roil and grow as they announced the coming storm. In Rick's case, that anger manifested in an Arctic coldness, and he was grateful that both his mother and his daughter weren't home. It wasn't their fault that the woman he had fallen in love with years ago didn't feel the same way about him, and he didn't want to hurt them by lashing out. So, he went into his office and contemplated what to do next.

'She LIED to me!'

He went over all of the small moments that had occurred between he and Kate Beckett, and as he analysed each one, he came to a surprising conclusion.

For every comment that seemed to hold some promise of a 'together' future, like 'next time, let's do it without the tiger', there were several 'there is no big deal - sleep with whoever you want, the more the merrier' that seemed to indicate the opposite. The deeper he went, the more the evidence started to stack up - and it wasn't positive.

After spending some time processing the evidence, the only conclusion that he could come to was that Kate Beckett might have feelings for him, but it wasn't love. At best, it was a deeper care and concern than you would have for an acquaintance, but it wasn't love.

That speech on the swings was beginning to sound like she needed him, but not as a prospective life partner. No, all Kate Beckett needed Rick Castle for was to be her coffee boy and plucky sidekick.

All at once, Rick came to a decision - not any more.

Never again.

The rest of his evening flew by. He packed a couple of bags for himself, and planned where he could hide out for a few weeks while he licked his wounds and plotted the last of the Heat novels. He knew that he still had stories to tell about Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook, and he would use this away time to get the outlines completed so that he could pitch the works to Gina, and give her estimated completion dates.

The other thing that he did was gather everything about the Kate and Johanna Beckett cases so that he could hand them off in the morning before he left town.

He had told his mother and his daughter what he was doing, and that he would call when he reached his destination. Paula had been informed that he was going under the radar for a while, and that he would be in touch via the usual pre-arranged channels. He called for a car to take him to the precinct, and then to the airport.

The last thing he did was to talk with the doorman, and gave him strict instructions.

Under no circumstances was Detective Beckett be allowed access to the loft, even if she had a warrant.

Richard Castle was done with Kate Beckett.


	3. Chapter 3

**Anger Chapter 3**

**After**

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Kate Beckett remained seated on her chair, stunned at what had just happened. If anyone had said to her that Richard Castle, the original Mr Mild-Mannered, would stand in front of her and take her to task, she would have laughed at them. Richard Castle, the man who had kept her from dying with his declaration of love? Richard Castle, the man who had kept her from drowning in the Hudson River when her unit was pushed in by renegade CIA agents?

The man that she knew she had deep feelings for, and if she was truly honest with herself, the man that she loved - her 'one and done' - had stood, towering over her, not letting her get a word in edgeways, completely infuriated at her. Throwing back at her words that she had said in an attempt to put him off, to keep her own burgeoning feelings at bay. The anger radiating off him like sheets of ice tinged with tongues of fire. And all the time, he didn't raise his voice above his normal speaking volume.

Yep, _that _Richard Castle.

She started to push back from her desk, about to go after him, when a throat cleared. "Beckett? A word, please."

She responded automatically with a soft, "Yes, sir," and entered the captain's office. Captain Gates had picked up the items that Castle had dropped on the desk, and wanted an explanation. Beckett took a deep breath, sat down in the indicated chair, and began to explain to her captain about her mother's case, and how it all linked into her shooting. At some stage, the captain summoned Esposito and Ryan, in order to get their input and perspectives on the Beckett cases. And all the while, Kate's only thoughts were of how badly she'd hurt Rick, and if there was any way that she could make it up to him.

Finally, _finally, _Captain Gates declared their discussions closed, and Kate almost leapt out of the seat to go after Rick. She barely slowed down at her desk to collect her things, then she took the stairs down to the precinct parking area. Kate knew how slow the elevators could be, and the nervous energy flowing through her wouldn't allow her to slow down for even a second. All the while, she called his cell, just to hear his normal voice.

"_Hi, you've reached Richard Castle. I can't talk right now, but leave me a message and I'll call you back."_

Her first message, sent before she got into her cruiser, was neutral. "Hey, Rick. I can explain. Can you call me back, please?"

Her second message, sent while she was driving to his place, was concerned. "Rick, hey. I know I hurt you, but I want to talk with you about it. Call me?"

Her third message, delivered as she exited her vehicle outside his building, was apologetic. "I'm so sorry, Rick. Can we talk?"

She strode over to the doors, and opened them before the doorman had a chance to. She nodded at the doorman as she moved through the lobby to the elevator, and as she reached out to press the button, the doorman's voice broke through her roiling thoughts.

"I'm sorry, Detective Beckett. Mr Castle has left instructions that you're not to be allowed up to his loft." The doorman spoke softly, but there was no mistaking his determination to follow Rick's instructions.

Kate looked at him askance. The idea that Rick wouldn't be willing to see her, to let her explain herself, had never entered her thought processes. "I'm sorry, what?" she asked.

"Mr Castle left us strict instructions that you were not to be allowed access to his loft."

Kate almost staggered as the weight of how badly she had screwed up finally hit her. The doorman carefully took her arm, and guided her to the chairs in the lobby. He assisted her to sit, then asked if she needed anything. She looked up into his concerned brown eyes, and shook her head. She seemed to briefly space out, but gradually came back to herself. "Is Mr Castle here, Eduardo?"

"No, Detective. He left town this morning."

"Do you know where he went?"

"No, Detective. Miss Castle and Ms Rodgers are in California, so there's no-one here for you to talk to."

Kate sat up straight in the chair, and pulled out her phone. She pressed speed dial 4, and waited. When the call was answered, she got straight into action. "Hey Espo, it's me. Can you check the airlines for flights out of here that Castle would've been on? It wouldn't have left here before 9am," she asked as she left Rick's building. Opening the car door, she buckled up as she waited for Esposito to come back with the information.

"Got it. He was on a Delta flight that left 45 minutes ago, putting him on the ground in Portland about 3pm local time."

"Great. Check for car hire, hotel bookings, tour bookings, anything that we can track him with." Kate's determination to fix this was growing with each minute that passed. Various scenarios flew through her thoughts, and were either discarded or not as she ran through the practical options needed.

"Yo, Beckett? What else do you need from us?"

"I'll be back there in five minutes, and we'll talk then."

Esposito grunted and ended the call. Kate knew that she'd have to do some fast talking to Gates to be able to get any time off, but she also knew that she had so much comp time available that no-one from the mayor down to her captain would quibble if she was to take a week or two. All her active cases could be handled by Espo and Ryan. She needed to find Rick and make him understand.

As she climbed out of her unit, the turbulence of her thoughts calmed as the solution presented itself to her.

All she really needed to do was to be honest with Rick.

Now, she needed to find him.

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**AN: Once again, can I just say thank you so much for the kind words. And to the guest that suggested that Castle should eat a sneakers (I presume you mean a 'Snickers'), just think how you would feel if the love of your life had lied to you for TEN MONTHS! Just sayin'.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Anger chapter 4**

**We join Rick in the very plausible state of Oregon. A gold star to the first person to ID the reference, and the chance to give me a plot point as well!**

**Once again, thank you so much for the kind reviews. Very much appreciated!**

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**Retreat**

Rick had kept himself busy on the flight between New York and Portland - he had come up with the broad brush strokes for another four Nikki Heat novels, as well as the titles for them. The flight crew had only disturbed him for the food service, and he kept to himself. On landing, he went directly to the Hertz desk to claim the car he had booked earlier.

The desk jockey greeted him with the usual spiel, and Rick simply smiled and asked, "Do you have a vehicle reserved for Oscar Hammerstein?"

"Of course, Mr Hammerstein. A midnight blue Lexus RX350, as requested. Unlimited miles and full insurance," the reservations clerk responded. "May I see your licence, please?"

Rick nodded as he handed over his newly-minted fake licence, showing his name as Oscar Hammerstein, and his home address in New York City. He knew that his mother would truly appreciate his choice of alter-ego. The clerk quickly photocopied the licence and handed it back to Rick, along with a sheaf of papers for Rick to sign. Rick was glad that he's spent some time on the plane practicing the Hammerstein signature, but he was relieved when the clerk finally handed over the keys, told him where he could find his car, and wished him a good day.

Gripping his suitcase handle in his left hand, he left the Hertz desk, and exited in the indicated direction. He found the Lexus easily, and wasted no time in loading his bags and leaving the airport. He called up the GPS, and punched in the address of his home for the next few weeks.

Just under two hours later, Rick pulled into the driveway of a neat home that backed onto the forest of Douglas fir and spruce trees. The home couldn't be called a cabin, even though it was made of timber. It was a split level house containing three bedrooms, and every electronic device known to man. Rick was grateful to his friend Kevin for allowing him the use of his rustic getaway, and he was already thinking of ways to repay Kevin. He turned around, and was blown away by the view of the Columbia River. He felt a small grin pull at his lips, and he entered the house.

Two hours later, Rick had finished unpacking, had eaten a meal, and called his daughter. He was always glad to be able to talk with Alexis, but this call had left him a little unsettled. He recalled the conversation, and thought about it some more.

"So, pumpkin, I'm going to spend the time writing and sightseeing. There's plenty to keep me occupied."

"And what do you plan on doing about Detective Beckett, dad?"

"I've walked away, Alexis. I don't know that I can trust her at all anymore."

"You know that she called Grams about an hour ago, right?"

"No, I didn't. What did Grams say about the call?"

"She didn't say much, but what I heard of the conversation? I think that Grams gave Beckett a piece of her mind for hurting you."

"Grams didn't tell Beckett where I am, did she?"

"No, but Beckett asked - several times - and Grams kept saying no. The last thing that Grams said and did, though, was so unlike her."

"What did she say, sweetie?"

"She said, 'I won't let you hurt my son anymore.' and then she hung up on her. What exactly happened, dad?"

"You know how I told her I loved her, and that she said she didn't remember anything?"

"Yes."

"She remembered all of it, and told a suspect she had in the box."

"Oh, daddy."

"Yeah. So, I'm here now, and Detective Beckett will have to get her own coffee from here on in. I'm done."

There were the usual signing off pleasantries, and Rick promised to call every day.

But now, thinking back over the conversation with Alexis, and the last confrontation he had with Beckett, all he felt was empty. If she didn't feel the same, he could have dealt with it, but she should have been honest with him. That was what hurt the most - the dishonesty. Still, he had books to write, and places to see, and he was tired of being angry. For once in his life, he was going to be the adult.

He wasn't going to drown his sorrows in whatever alcohol Kevin had stocked.

He wasn't going to go out into the forest and lose himself.

He wasn't going to walk into the Columbia River or the Pacific Ocean.

He was going to use this time to start to get over Kate Beckett. He had loved her for years, and been in love with her for almost as long, and he was under no illusions about the effort it would take just to start the disconnection process. He took a last walk around the lower level of his retreat outside of Astoria, then went upstairs to watch tv for a while.

He took a deep breath, and started to cry.

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**This chapter is somewhat of a link. Patience, my young Padawans.**


End file.
